Mama needs a break

This afternoon Caitrin and I spent a couple hours at Old Navy, Mama-shopping. She was an angel. I forgot our Hotsling so she had to put up with the stroller, and did so like a champ till the final half hour or so. Then she decided I needed to carry her, and she kept grabbing at everything! She was great though, and she made both of us laugh when she started climbing me, flipping my hair around and sticking her finger in my ear. But we never should've left ON, because my sweet girl was a grump from then on through the rest of the evening. She didn't really nap this afternoon (half hour maybe, compared to her usual 2-2 1/2 hours) and did a lot more of the tantrum-like crying like the other day at the mall. This from a baby who as a rule does not cry. All I can figure is her teeth are bothering her again. She only has the front two on the bottom, but her pedi says she's working on their counterparts on the top, as well as the next two bottom ones. I can't feel anything, but I couldn't before till they broke through.

I wish she could tell me, "Mama, my teeth hurt," or, "I have a belly ache," or whatever. I do know she wasn't real keen on being put down, so we hugged a lot. I made pancakes for dinner - her favorite, but then at bathtime she screamed again and Sean took over because I was on the verge of a mild meltdown.

These next two thoughts are totally random and have little if anything to do with the rest of this, but I keep meaning to get them out of my system and always forget. If you'll excuse me for a moment, my shopping trip this afternoon brought to mind something that really gets under my skin. I'm trying to get used to the way Caitrin and I can't go anywhere without people stopping to talk to us because she's so precious. That in and of itself is not a bad thing. By nature I am not a people person, but being Caitrin's mom is forcing me to get more comfortable with attention from strangers. Never am I more aware that I'm God's ambassador than when I step out with my little girl. That said, I think I know how it feels to be a celebrity being stalked by the paparazzi. Like I said I am learning to be more tolerant of total strangers' sudden outbursts, but there are times when I (and Caitrin) am not in the mood and just want to be left alone! What's more, there are some people who seem to think it's perfectly okay to touch my kid just because she's friendly! Caitrin is absolutely fascinated with people's faces right now, so anytime a face gets close to her she's inclined to reach out for it. But by no means does that mean I want people we don't know touching her! Don't they know that she's just a baby and has no clue what's good for her?! Look at her, sure. Talk to us, by all means. But HANDS OFF unless I give you a reason to touch my baby!

My other random thought: every single day at one point or another I look at Caitrin, usually when she has fallen asleep while nursing, and have the dreaded thought, "this moment she's as little as she's ever going to be." Sometimes it's just a wistful realization, but other times it's accompanied by tears. My first baby is almost ten months old. That's great, but it's also sad. I'm so afraid for her to grow up and away from me. I want to remember every breath, every smile, and I want those to come back to me in my old age as real as when they happened. On the one hand I am so ready for another baby, but on the other I don't want Caitrin to stop being the baby. I don't know, but that's enough sadness for now.

I've got quite the headache going, so I'm going to stop staring at the computer screen...and go stare at the TV instead LOL!