The Good, The Bad, & The Boring

Ahh, yes, believe it or not, I am still here. Once again more time has elapsed than I intended since our last update. I said it before but it bears repeating...I tend to get quiet when things are challenging and/or not terribly positive. While they're still far from where I'd like them to be, progress is being made on the big issues and that is a relief. So here's the latest in summary:

The Good

• Caitrin doesn't really appear to show a true gross motor delay, and shows no delays of any other sort whatsoever
• Her picky eating of late is merely typical behavior for someone her age
• Her growth is absolutely fine. She's gained 4 ounces and grown 1 3/4 inches since her 15-month well visit
• She's saying all kinds of new things. Sean is now officially "Daddy," and I am occasionally referred to as "Mommy," though I've gotta admit I prefer "Mama" because it's a New England thing
• We've discovered that as long as we're ridiculously over-prepared with books and toys and snacks and crayons, we can now go out to dinner and take Caitrin with us and actually have a really good time
• We left Caitrin with a babysitter other than my girlfriend the RN, and she was an angel. They both had a great time together
• I had a really positive initial appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist, who without hesitation said he's certain he can help us get pregnant
• Cassy the kitty is still doing well, and has graduated to only taking prednisolone on Wednesdays & Saturdays. She continues to be infinitely patient with and forgiving of Caitrin, which makes up for the few times she's pooped on the floor

The Bad

• Caitrin is pretty nap-resistant lately, and it makes getting anything done impossible. She's tired, but she won't nap, so then she's very clingy and grumpy. I continue to put her down at her regular nap times. If she sleeps, great. If not, she stays in her room anyhow and I put her to bed early
• She's starting to throw tantrums when we say no or when she can't have what she wants immediately. We've chosen the method by which we completely ignore these outbursts as a way of dealing with them for now
• Sean and (mostly) I have a lot of testing to go through as part of our prescreening with the RE. Mine is cycle-dependent, and since we started all this in the middle of a cycle I've now got to wait until the beginning of the next one to start my end of the testing. So this feels to me like yet another month down the tubes. I know that this "could be our month" without any intervention, but as the months roll on by that seems increasingly less likely.
• The unspoken code of conduct is "no kids in the waiting room" at the RE. Of course, they are aware that in order for their patients to continue treatment, it will sometimes be necessary for them to bring their children. In general, though, it's frowned upon. So I've got to either impose upon my girlfriend the RN, who is now working nights, to watch Caitrin (and she loves doing it, but is pretty sleep-deprived right now), or upon Sean to take time off work to watch her while I go to appointments. We are not the first to face this and (sadly) will not be the last, and I know we'll work something out. It's just yet another challenge I didn't bargain for
• It's improving by leaps and bounds, but the air around here has been pretty thick at times. After twelve years together we're pretty good at communicating, just not about the "i-word"

The Boring

• I'm working on our taxes. This is the ultimate in boredom for most people, but I actually like it. I suck at math, but taxes have always come easy to me
• We discovered a leak where the water supply connects to the garbage disposal in the kitchen, and nothing we do seems to make it stop. Fortunately it's a small leak, and for now we handle it by putting a folded dish towel underneath to catch it
• I'm once again keeping a daily log of blood pressure readings. This time it's to prove to the RE that my BP is fine at home. I hate doing it but I love having proof that my readings are fine

And that's that. If there's anything else, it's so inconsequential that I can't even think of it so it definitely doesn't deserve space here. Hope all is well with you and yours.

25 Random Things About Me

This has been going around Facebook and I've really been enlightened reading about everyone. Thought I would post it here as well. For those who have read the one on Facebook, this one's slightly different. I thought of other things after I did the first one.

1. The summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school took a turn I'd never have foreseen. I was trying to train to run cross country in the fall, so one day my sister and I decided to ride bikes. We rode down Red Mill Road in Parish, where they had just dug a brand new ditch near the house my brother lives in now. A car was coming, so I tried to get over on the shoulder a little more. Little did I know that the shoulder was gone where they'd dug the ditch. So down I fell, 15 feet into mud and brush-hogged poison ivy. My sister turned white as a sheet. I was able to stand up, but when I tried to pull myself together my collarbone made an awful crunching noise. I remember telling my sister to "go get Mom," then sitting down on the bank. I know I looked like the Swamp Thing, and these two really kind ladies came by to see if I was okay. I told them that I'd fallen off my bike and my sister had gone to get our mom just down the road, but they didn't want to leave me and let me sit in their truck wrapped up in a blanket till Mom got there. She knew she had to take me to the emergency room, but we had to clean me up a little first, so I remember getting in the shower with all my clothes on and Mom helping me peel them off. I was in shock so my memory's a little iffy, but I never will forget being at Crouse and no less than 10 medical students standing around to watch the ER doc set my collarbone WITHOUT having given me pain meds. To wrap this up, I'll just say I haven't been back on a bike since.
2. Caitrin won't eat a thing right now. I guess getting molars really is horrendous. I just spent tons of time and money buying all the things I know she likes best, but she wouldn't eat a bite of anything at dinner tonight. I feel so badly for her, but I confess I get really angry when she refuses food.
3. I was in labor with Caitrin for at least 48 hours, possibly even longer. She wasn't due till October 22, 2007, but just after my birthday, on September 10th, I started having unrelenting back pain. I guess that must've been when she dropped. I went to my 35-week OB appointment on September 19th and told him I'd started to have quite a bit of bloody show. He wasn't overly concerned because there really wasn't anything effective they could do that late in the pregnancy to stop labor if it was in progress, but he didn't think it was. I went back to work, but the back pain began to intensify and be spasmy. My coworkers threw my going-away party/baby shower that day and sent me home early to rest. I fully expected to be back the next day; I was planning to work another week and a half before I left. That night the spasms started to wrap around my belly, but I went to bed, didn't sleep much, but felt better when I got up. Once I started to get ready for work, though, the back pain and crampy feelings intensified even more, and we decided I needed to stay home and rest. REST?! I had a hunch that even if I wasn't in labor yet, this baby was coming far earlier than her due date, and we had NOTHING ready! I spent the day fending off pain while washing 4 loads of baby clothes and putting together the bouncy seat and Pack 'N Play. In the afternoon I ran to Target because we didn't have a lamp for the baby's room yet. As I was bending over to check out lamp parts, I felt a kind of gush. I think my water had already broken, but it certainly did then if not earlier. When I got home I called my girlfriend Nancy, the L&D nurse. She came to check on me and found that I was 3 cm dilated and almost fully effaced. She said we had to get to the hospital; we were having our baby! By the time we got to the hospital I'd been uncomfortable for 36 hours. Since they suspected my water had broken over 24 hours earlier, they started Pitocin. Then things stalled for HOURS. Fast forward to 9:17 the next morning, and I had my little Caitrin after pushing for 3.5 hours!
4. I am totally skeeved by every type of insect, save for ladybugs. When I was working, we had a bug problem in our building and I used to shriek like a banshee and make the lady I worked for kill the offender. I don't know what I'm gonna do when Caitrin needs me to kill a bug. I'll probably need to be resuscitated.
5. I don't miss working, but I miss many of my former coworkers. They were like family to me for almost 7 years.
6. I have to pick up after Caitrin many times a day or it drives me nuts. I put away the same toys over and over and she gets them right back out again, but I can't go too long with my house looking like a cyclone just blew through.
7. I only ever kissed one other boy before I met Sean. When we got together, I wished for a long time that I could take back kissing the other loser.
8. I thought I was in love once, in high school (though I never actually dated the guy), but as soon as I met Sean I realized that what I'd felt before was just infatuation.
9. I used to be nearly fluent in French. It's been over a decade since I've studied it, so I can't really speak it anymore, but I can still read a little and understand even more than that. If I read something and hear it spoken, I can almost certainly ascertain what's being said. Much of the music I like is in French, and save for a song I can't find an adequate translation for, I understand it.
10. When Sean's brother Patrick and his wife Jennifer were getting ready to adopt our nephew A.P. and niece Margaret from Russia, Sean and I attempted to learn Russian. I thought it'd come easy for me since both French and Spanish did. Boy, was I wrong. Russian is crazy-hard, not least of all because looking at the spelling of the words I can't pronounce doesn't help a bit with pronunciation. The Cyrillic alphabet is evil.
11. I'd like to take another stab at learning Russian some day, and I want my children to know their way around several foreign languages. I can see all of us learning together. Language fascinates me.
12. When I was a kid I felt like I was totally in the wrong generation. I felt like I could've fit just fine growing up in the post-Civil War era, or in my grandparents' generation, but I thought I was completely out of place in my own generation. I can't conjure up those feelings now no matter how I try.
13. I finally started to feel like I might fit in this world when I was in college. Even though the goals I wanted to attain seemed really far off, at least I finally knew what I needed to do to become the person I wanted to be.
14. I would never go back to my high school years if you paid me, but I feel badly for writing off so many people just because I thought they were immature or petty. I'm glad to be reconnecting with so many people on Facebook.
15. Sean and I wrote and mostly recorded an album a few years ago. We got about 75% done, and then our lives changed and the life of our "producer" friend changed and no more has been done with it. I don't think we've seen the last of those songs. They'll resurface in some way before our time is up.
16. When I'm thinking, I tilt my head to the right. I was just reminded of this when I realized that my neck is killing me from sitting in this position for so long.
17. I've been cheating myself out of getting adequate rest since Caitrin was born because I need some time to unplug. And then I complain because I'm always tired.
18. I invented my own macaroni and cheese recipe when I was pregnant with Caitrin, and I really don't mean to brag but I've never tasted one better.
19. I want desperately to like my hair curly again. I love that when I wear it straight I only have to wash it every 2-3 days, but I don't want my kids to see me in any way trying to change something God made unique about me, because I don't want them trying to change their unique characteristics either.
20. I was a spelling bee champion in late elementary and middle school. I almost made it to the National Spelling Bee when I was in eighth grade, but I got stumped by the word evanescence because I'd never heard it before.
21. I am very anal about spelling and grammar, and it bugs me to no end when people post things to a public forum without using said forum's spelling and grammar check functions. God is working with me on this.
22. We're having Caitrin evaluated for gross motor delays because she is not walking yet, and I am having a very hard time coming to terms with it. I say that I would love any child God gave me, whether ill or well, brilliant or challenged, but it's much more difficult in practice not to feel some disappointment. I hate even seeing myself write that. I think (and so does her pediatrician) that Caitrin's right on track in every other regard. But what if she weren't? I want her to excel, to at least have the potential to be the best at anything. God has some work to do with my heart here as well.
23. For every word I may not speak, I probably write a hundred. My thought processes are so internal, and it all spills out on overkill when I write.
24. Sean and I have been adamant that we will homeschool our children since the day we got together. I don't see any reason to make them wait until they're 5 to begin a formal education, either. If they're ready and eager to learn, I'll start earlier. I went to public school, but my mom and dad taught me to read before I started kindergarten.
25. I am one of those horrible mothers who defied the standard of not giving peanut butter to children under 3. I think I first tried it with Caitrin when she was about 9 months old. One of the only things I can get her to eat in this ultra-picky phase she's in is whole grain toast with a little peanut butter. She won't eat meat and she needs to get protein from somewhere. And I'm sorry, but we are absolutely NOT bean people.