Declaring blog amnesty

Thank you all for being patient and understanding my inactivity of late. I've got several major projects in the works and a little lady who requires my undivided attention much of the time.

For these reasons I am declaring blog amnesty until sometime after Christmas. I hope to see issues of the most personal nature resolve enough, and life in general calm down enough, to resume regular blogging sometime very soon.

For now, Caitrin has four new teeth that sprouted on Thanksgiving, fights me like the devil most of the time when I try to get her to eat, has learned a new word this week: "me," and is still not walking but crawls so fast I can't catch her.

The rest of the news is all sad: my father-in-law had to say goodbye over the weekend to his much-loved 11-year old German Shepherd, Maddie. I miss her, so I can only imagine how he must be feeling. Our Cassy kitty is very sick at the moment. Her vet thinks she has an autoimmune disease called pemphigus foliaceus, whereby her immune system attacks her skin cells. She had a biopsy this morning that will most likely confirm the diagnosis. We are optimistic that it can be brought into remission by heavy doses of methylprednisolone and clindamycin. She is not eating terribly well right now, though she does enjoy the canned food into which I mash up her steroid pill and the milk I mix with her antibiotic drops. She's still her friendly self but I can't wait for the return of the Dark Side of her personality: The Diva. Not much gets to me like the thought of an animal suffering and as such I have spent much of the past several days in tears. Your prayers for Cassy would be much appreciated.

Here's hoping I have happier news in the new year. God bless you and yours this Christmas.

As Promised: Cutie Pics

Can I help it if when God was handing out cuteness genes, she got them all?!

We're still here!

Before I say anything else, allow me to address a few questions I've received from my readers.

Where've you been?
We've been right here, where we always are. We've had a sometimes busy, often fun-filled, occasionally tempestuous couple of weeks but we haven't gone anywhere.

Are you okay?
"Okay" is such a broad-based, all-encompassing term that it makes this a difficult one to answer. If we consider each factor that contributes to one's "okayness," that might provide a satisfactory result. Physical health: check. Caitrin is now 20 lbs. 6 oz., back up near the 50th percentile for her adjusted age. She came through the Hepatitis A vaccine and second half of her flu shot unfazed but for a few hours during which she felt slightly warm to me. Sean and I have been dealing with the cursory dry air/colder weather headaches, but nothing more. Fiscal health: superb. God continues to bless our finances and provide far more than we need. Mental health: Sean's fine, we all know Caitrin's crazy, and me, well...that's the grey area. I guess I'd say I am experiencing the appropriate emotional reactions to the various situations I face. Clear as mud, huh?

What was up with that last post? It didn't even sound like you!
I have been nearly silent on the posting front lately because while I extol the virtue of honesty above all others, I also remember watching Bambi, where we all learned that "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Ephesians 4:29 puts it a little more eloquently: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." I haven't benefited much from my own internal dialogue of late, so I decided against subjecting others to reading it.

Recently I attempted to accomplish a goal that meant a great deal to me. I put everything I had into it and had every reason to believe I would succeed. Ultimately, I did not. While it was certainly not the last shot I had to realize the dream, failure has been a bitter pill to swallow. I'm pressing on, and I'm also gearing up for the holidays and spending a great deal of time on a craft project of sorts, the details of which I can't reveal until after Christmas.

I have taken some hilarious pictures of my girl, including the one above. I will post more of those later. She is like living with a cartoon character. She makes us laugh every day. That about does it for now.

Why do I do this job?

Ugh, how to begin? The title. Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and reading of others' blogs, and way too much more thinking on top of that, and some wishing and hoping and it all comes back to this: I love being a mom. Despite all the daily trials, the ever-present fatigue, the times I have to bite my tongue till it bleeds to avoid speaking harshly to my daughter. In spite of the low pay and long hours. If indeed each one of us is created for a unique purpose, motherhood is mine.

I'd love to elaborate, but this is not a personal forum. Suffice it to say I am wading through some deep stuff at the moment. Until next time.

National Aquarium Trip

There's no doubt about it, Caitrin is at a really cute age right now. On Friday we took her on her first trip to one of our favorite places, the National Aquarium in Baltimore. She was so curious and interested in all the fish and other critters. Sean got some awesome pics of the fish, too. Afterward we went to the Harborplace for lunch and each got a piece of pizza, then came home and took a nap. All in all, a spectacular day!

Guitar!

Caitrin has a brand new word today! We are on Day 5 of Nap Boycott 2008 and my nerves are completely frayed. Very little is cute or funny right now and I am absolutely exhausted. This afternoon I actually had to lie down on the couch while I watched Caitrin play. Sean keeps the guitar I gave him for our anniversary in its (hardshell!) case in the living room and often plays for Caitrin. They love singing together and he even lets her strum a little.

Caitrin was busy pulling coasters off the end table when she suddenly decided to go bang on Daddy's guitar case. She loves to play drums on anything and has a scary-good sense of rhythm already. I said something like, "yeah, that's Daddy's guitar case. You love it when Daddy plays guitar, huh?" I kid you not, her reply was, "guitar, guitar, guitar!" Well, technically it was "guhtuh, guhtuh, guhtuh," but there was no mistaking what she meant. I gave her a big hug, called her dad, and got her to say it while he was on the phone. He was THRILLED!

Well, gotta feed my girl and get her to bed early. We are headed for the National Aquarium in Baltimore tomorrow and I want her to be well-rested!

"Us da?!"

I know I have been terribly remiss in my posting duties over the last week or so. I know "everyone is," but I have been just so crazy-busy. My mom visited last week and we had such a great time. She can't get over just how much Caitrin is like me, as a baby, all over again. It was wonderful having an extra set of hands for a few days, too.

The pics above are from the interim since I last posted. I realize I may appear biased, but when God was handing out babies He really did give us the smartest, happiest, sweetest, most precious one. I didn't have to "stage" any of these photos. She is just that cute.

So the title of this may have piqued the interest of some. This is Caitrin's latest development. She points to everything and asks, "us da?" (what's that?). And babies don't start speaking in sentences till they're 18 months old. Uh huh.

I'm feeling a little better about it now that Caitrin's been in bed for an hour, but today was one of those days every new mom dreads. I realize I run the risk of getting flamed for saying this, but I am nothing if not honest: I love my daughter to distraction, but I have not liked her much the past couple days. We are on Day 4 of a complete nap boycott. My mom and Sean blame teething. I can't feel any new teeth, but I never have been able to until they sprout so it could very well be. I am just this side of loony right now. Thank God I have a husband who happily picks up my slack or we'd be living in utter filth right now because I have had absolutely no break in days. I don't understand what I am doing wrong. Her entire routine is the same as it's been for months. I'm slowly buying into the teething theory because her few previous nap strikes have directly preceded a crop of new chompers.

The good news is that her diaper rash is now completely gone. For the cloth-diapering mamas, we finally found a commercial diaper rash ointment that doesn't make CDs stink: Aveeno Soothing Relief Diaper Rash Cream. It's about 12% zinc oxide to Desitin's 40%, but it doesn't contain the cod liver oil that Desitin and Balmex do, which is what causes the stink. Oh, and if you make the mistake of using Desitin with CDs like I did, add half a cup of white vinegar to each wash cycle. After 3-4 complete washes (that's prewash, main wash, any extra rinses, and dry) the stink should dissipate.

I've gotta go shower and spend some time with my husband, but before I go, do me a favor and listen to this. On Sunday, Pastor Bill gave an amazing sermon about the state of the economy in America and God's position in it. I was at once chastened, empowered, humbled, and relieved by the message God gave him. Every Christian needs to hear this.

Till soon, be blessed.

My Basement's Back!

Hey peeps. Since no one else is saying it, I am: Sarah ANNIHILATED Joe Biden in the debate. I loved the contrast in their mannerisms. He never looked directly at the camera. She, on the other hand, seemed to be staring down the cameramen with the same look I'm sure she uses with an impudent child. You know, the one that says, "you look me in the face when I'm talking to you!"

But thanks to the geniuses in Congress, by Friday morning the debate was long since forgotten. That atrocity of a bill has now passed both houses. We all may as well just sign over all our possessions to Big Brother now; no sense postponing the inevitable. I am so sick and so thoroughly disgusted by this that it makes my blood boil. But while the government is systematically obliterating every principle upon which our nation was founded, I still have a lovely baby daughter to take care of and the most magnanimous and selfless husband in the world to walk through all this with. While my fellow ultra-conservatives (those of us who lean somewhere to the right of Genghis Khan) insist each day that tomorrow is the apocalypse, I'm gonna live. Moving right along.

When Sean and I bought this house three and a half years ago, we were both working full time and he was in his final semester at UMUC, taking an eighteen credit hour load. We both about broke our necks getting this place painted top to bottom, scrubbed and sanitized, pulling up carpet and replacing fixtures. But I ended up doing the majority of our packing. Many of the things we had in our apartment just didn't translate into the house, and I threw out what I could, but things like old furniture were too bulky. Thus, they all ended up in the basement. We are fortunate that our house came with a gigantic (albeit poorly) finished basement. When we first moved in and it was just Sean and I, we never imagined we'd be able to fill up all that space.

Well, the state of the economy being what it is, and our plans to expand our family being what they are, and our beliefs about excess being what they are, we see no reason to move out of this house any time in the foreseeable future. But once we add one more kid to the mix (and it probably won't be terribly long before we do), we're out of bedrooms. We believe that it's good for siblings to have to share rooms, but at some point we see ourselves turning the basement into part playroom, part guestroom, since ours will disappear. But that means we can't store junk that we're not going to use anymore, at least not here. Our attic hatch is 18 inches square and there's no floor up there anyhow, so that's out. The solution: 1-800-GOT-JUNK. They came Saturday afternoon and in half an hour, the crap that's been plaguing us for three years was GONE! Now all that's down there is the stuff we actually need to store, like baby clothes and gear and Christmas decorations. They were professional, friendly, NEAT (BIG points with me!!), and their services are very reasonably priced. If you have excess junk laying around, I highly recommend you give them a call!

My mom (Caitrin's Nanny) is coming to visit this week. We had all hoped it would work out for September, since our three birthdays are right in a row...Mom's is two days before mine and Caitrin's is eleven days after, but it'll actually be better that it's happening now because the weather here is starting to hint at fall. Caitrin's diaper rash is finally clearing up. It had gotten really bad. We were slathering Desitin on at every change but it wasn't doing a thing. It must have been very painful for Caitrin because her legs were actually trembling when I would change her. Thankfully, her pediatrician's office called in a prescription for nystatin cream. We have been using it with every diaper change for two days and man, what a difference. Thing is, I had no idea how to tell that this was a yeast rash versus a dermatitis-type diaper rash. The books all say it's very easy to tell, but you could've fooled Sean and I. Now that the rash is nearly gone, I will try PediaSure again and see what happens. I've started giving her two ounces of evaporated milk, diluted one to one with water, at lunch and dinner and at snack time if she seems to want it. She seems to be sensitive to whole milk (makes her rash worse), but evaporated milk is okay. It's the same thing as whole milk, just heat-treated and with 50% of the water removed, which is why it's okay to give babies as an alternative to whole milk.

Gonna go watch football with Sean for a bit before bed. I took some funny pics of Caitrin in the bath tonight and will get them edited and up ASAP. Be blessed!

Prayer for Lady Sarah

No pictures this time. I should be in bed but stayed up to watch the end of Chinga (XF: 5x10) after Sean wussed out on me and went up!

Because I know there is power in prayer, I want to offer up a prayer for Gov. Palin on the eve of the Vice-Presidential debate.

Father, I thank you for my sister in Christ, Sarah Palin. Thank you for the example you have provided modern women through her of the Proverbs 31 woman. Lord, I pray that as Governor Palin takes the podium at tomorrow night's debate, Your Holy Spirit would fill her with power. When she speaks, Lord, let it be Your words we hear. Your word says "I am about to open my mouth; my words are on the tip of my tongue. My words come from an upright heart; my lips sincerely speak what I know. The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life" (Job 33:2-4). May Governor Palin speak the truth in Your name, and in such a way that it edifies those who hear (Eph. 4:29). May your Spirit rest upon those gathered in that auditorium at Washington University in St. Louis, and may Your will be done in this election. Amen.

"Put your forks down, kids, Mama's fixin' to lose her mind!"

In my year as a stay-at-home-mom, I've learned many things. The best way to clean a filthy high chair tray is to put it in the dishwasher. The moment you get the baby down for a nap, the landscaping crew shows up with more lawnmowers than Southwest Airlines has 737's. "No TV for the baby" means no TV for Mom and Dad either. These little pearls of wisdom have been attained with many a frazzled sigh, and even a few tears.

But today I learned something that surprised me even more than the time we woke up to find Caitrin had ripped her diaper off and had poo in every orifice. Because I am an SAHM, my time is not valuable to anyone but me. Backstory: this morning I had an appointment at 9:15 in Annapolis, which, for the uninitiated, is a mere 15 miles away but a half hour's drive with all the Route 97 & West Street traffic. Since everything takes longer once you have kids, I started our day earlier than normal. To add evidence to my assertion that Caitrin is scary-brilliant for her age, it was as if she sensed we were pressed for time and put her brakes on. Instead of wolfing her breakfast as usual, it was one bite, and talk for several minutes. Another bite, and bang on the high chair tray. Miraculously, we were out the door at 8:35, just 5 minutes later than I had hoped. It felt like a guardian angel was looking out for me when a prime parking spot opened up in the garage just as I was pulling up. Okay, I thought, the day started out a little harried, but things are looking up!

I grabbed baby, Hotsling and stroller and we made our way to the doctor's office. By now we were edging up on Caitrin's naptime and she was happy but restless. We walked in and the receptionist's first words were, "we tried to call you on Monday...your appointment had to be rescheduled." I felt my blood boil, but maintained my composure. Come to find out, their attempt to contact me had failed because they called an incorrect variation on our home number (which doesn't work anyway since we only use it for DSL now), and (AND THIS WAS THE KICKER) Medallion. Upon hearing that I (stupidly) reminded them that I'm no longer working. I swear I could feel the Earth's axis tilt when the words came out of my mouth, and the atmosphere changed immediately. There was no "I'm sorry for the inconvenience" or "if you don't mind waiting, we'll try to work you in." No, sir. It was, "...but the doctor has some openings tomorrow."

It was at that moment that I was eternally grateful I had my innocent baby daughter perched on my hip, because if you could've peered inside my brain you'd have seen something like this: @!$%& *&^+$# ^&~#*&%$#!!!!! I successfully stopped these words from making it to my mouth and rescheduled the appointment for tomorrow. On my way back to the car I took a sidebar and called Sean, because I was about to blow. Bless him, he talked me down out of the wacko tree. Mind you, Caitrin's morning nap never did happen. And you know what nap zealots we are.

What gets me is that, had I still been working and left my "real job" to go to the appointment-that-wasn't, I'll bet you Donald Trump's salary they'd have fit me in. But, see, I don't do anything. I sit on the couch all day and watch soaps, remember? So it doesn't matter whether I'm notified that I needn't waste three hours and a quarter tank of gas and frig up my baby's naptime.

There. I am severing ties with sarcasm for the rest of the day.

More Birthday Pics!

Still editing, but got a bunch done this morning! Will post again later today...a rant is coming.

PediaSure=Diaper Rash?!

I decided to get involved in something enjoyable far too late in the evening tonight and now I'm wide awake. So I thought, what better to do than write, right?

Still feeling cruddy and still obsessed with beefing Caitrin up, though Sean got on the scale with her tonight and it was weighing her at 19.2 lbs so it would appear we're already having success. She has been loving the PediaSure, but she's developed an awful diaper rash. We think that's what caused it because we haven't given her anything else she's never had before. I cut it out today to see if it makes a difference. Oh, that reminds me, I found a remedy for diaper rash that really does the trick. Here's the "recipe:"

• 1 tube zinc oxide diaper rash ointment (Desitin or generic)
  
• 1 tube bacitracin zinc ointment
• 1 tube miconazole nitrate 2% cream (Monistat 7 or generic)
• 1 tube hydrocortisone 1% cream

Mix the above in a small Tupperware container and cover tightly. At each diaper change, apply a thin layer to the affected area. This works because it treats all the causes of diaper rash: bacteria, yeast, and abrasion and the hydrocortisone stops the burning itch. This is good for up to a year after it's mixed. Of course, if you use cloth diapers like we do, you'll want to be sure to use a liner of some sort between baby's bottom and the diaper, as it is reported that preparations containing zinc oxide can cause diapers to leak. We use the biodegradable flushable liners from Imse Vimse.

Better finish my tea and try to get to bed. Good night and God bless.

Birthday Pics

More to come soon!!!

I know I'm wicked late on this!

I've heard from more and more folks who tell me that they not only follow this blog but LOVE it, and it's blowing my mind! I've also caught flak from many of you for taking too darn long to post about my baby girl's birthday. I know, I know, what's wrong with me, right?!

Honestly, the past week is just a blur. I intended to sit down and write a heartfelt and detailed message about Caitrin's birth and her amazing first year. My heart is so full of a million words and a thousand emotions, but my family's been sick and I over-exerted myself with all the birthday preparations and it pains me to admit this but I've been exhausted.

As you know, Caitrin was sick with her first fever just before her birthday. Fortunately it only lasted overnight and she was much better the next day. Her daddy not so much. He woke up very ill on Caitrin's birthday. He was feverish until Wednesday, coughing and hacking with a sore throat and upset stomach. He finally seems to be rallying, and now I'm feeling pretty funky. Throat and ears hurt, body aches and I could sleep for a year.

Caitrin's birthday was awesome. I stayed up entirely too late the night before putting together her cake, which came out amazing if I do say so myself. We went into her room in the morning singing "Happy Birthday," and she thought that was the cat's meow! She wore a special onesie I had custom made that said "Caitrin is ONE today! Happy Birthday, Little Lady" with a picture of a big, goofy ladybug on it. Sean was so under the weather that he stayed home from church, so I took Caitrin solo for the first time. It was challenging. Since she had still been feverish the night before, I didn't feel it was wise to put her in nursery and expose the other babies, so I kept her with me. She made it to the end of the first worship set and then decided it was time to talk, so I spent the rest of the time walking the halls with her. It felt like an exercise in futility, but we thought it was a great teaching opportunity. Mom doesn't need Dad with her in order to worship God, and we don't need to be in perfect health to worship Him either. And even if we don't get to hear a word of the sermon, the point is that we set aside special time to give God the glory He deserves. She did get many birthday wishes from our friends as they went back and forth to count the offering, take their little ones to the potty, and the like.

After church Sean and I made lunch (Caitrin's new favorite: spinach & cheese tortellini) and then Pops and Nana came over. Caitrin opened presents with our help, but her favorite part was playing with the tissue paper and bows! As a testament to what a smart, cool kid she is, my daughter was more interested in her scrapbook, which I rushed to finish and wrapped up even though I doubt it means much to her yet, than the oodles of toys she got. And while she enjoyed her cake, she didn't smash it or plaster the high chair with it. She was such a lady, refusing to eat until I cut it into bite-size pieces for her.

I am in the process of editing the pictures from her special day. I'm sorry, but now that I know how, I can't post unedited photos. No matter how careful or arty I try to be when I take them, they are always made better by Photoshop. Promise I will get them up soon.

The day after her birthday, Caitrin had her 12-month checkup at the pediatrician. I guess the outcome of that visit has kept my thoughts rather preoccupied as well this week, in addition to dealing with whatever nasty bug has been wreaking havoc on my family. Deep breath. Back when Caitrin had her 9-month checkup, they weighed her at 18 lbs, 8 oz. That was pretty amazing because it put her at the 50th percentile, and theretofore she'd consistently been hovering somewhere between the 10th and 25th percentiles. Bear in mind that breastfed babies are smaller than those fed formula, girls are smaller than boys, and Caitrin was born 4 weeks premature and weighed just 5 lbs, 15 oz at birth.

On Monday Caitrin weighed 18 lbs, 10 oz. Assuming that measurement, and the previous one, were correct, that would mean she gained 2 ounces in three months. For the uninitiated, that's not okay. It puts her back between the 10th and 25th percentiles. Percentiles don't matter too much, but what does matter is the rate of growth. The nurse who weighed her was alarmed, so she weighed her again and made sure that both Sean and I agreed with the 18/10 reading before she wrote it down. When she left the room, I couldn't hold back the tears. Holy crap, what's wrong? All Caitrin does is eat, so how could she have gained essentially nothing in three months? That would mean that for a while, her weight would've dropped. How?! She hasn't been ill. She eats like a linebacker. I don't get it.

When the pedi came in she must've known we'd be panicked because the weight issue was the first thing she addressed. She thinks, as do we, that Caitrin's weight was inaccurate at her 9-month appointment. She is small compared to most babies her age, but she is right where she had been on the growth chart prior to her 9-month appointment. Her height is 28.75 inches, which puts her just below the 50th percentile, and her head circumference measured at the 60th percentile, so the doctor was happy. Developmentally, Caitrin is right on, and she even displayed her fondness for pointing and her overall cheery disposition for the doctor. The height and head circumference measurements and the fact that Caitrin is healthy, happy, eating well and hitting all the developmental milestones seemed to cement the pedi's assertion that the 9-month weight was incorrect. I kept asking if we are feeding her enough, whether we should be doing something else and if there's some dreadful cause underlying all the positives that could be keeping Caitrin from being the size most other babies are. It seems that the pedi is actually very pleased with Caitrin's health. She had five shots and has to go back in a month to have the second dose of the flu vaccine and the next dose of Hepatitis A, which we elected to postpone since she was already getting 5 others and had so recently been ill anyhow. When she goes back they will recheck her weight and want to see her at 19 lbs by then.

So I'm sure that those of you who know me have already accurately predicted my reaction. And surely you know that I can't pin it down to one emotion. Failure is a prominent ingredient in the stew, as is fear. Mix in a dash of anger and a healthy dose of sadness and you're getting close. I thought things were going so well. Where did I go wrong? Did I withhold food from her? That's a form of abuse, you know. Oh my goodness, am I a child abuser? I thought I was feeding her plenty. I've done HOURS of research on what and how much to feed her at the various stages she's passed through. She readily gobbles down cheeseburgers and broccoli and macaroni & cheese. As far as she knows, white bread doesn't even exist. She started out on the umpteen-grain kind I eat and thinks it's great. She'll eat a third of a cup of baby cereal at breakfast (and the serving size is only 1/4 cup) AND a whole NutriGrain bar too.

My sole mission in life now is to beef up my kid. I'm trying to work her up to two snacks a day in addition to the three meals she's been eating. And I bought her PediaSure. The vanilla DHA kind. There are 240 calories in an 8-ounce bottle, and I try to get her to take 2 ounces at a time with breakfast, lunch, dinner & snacks. She doesn't yet, of course, but we'll get there. I just bought Fig Newtons because they're so nutrient-rich, and she loves them. But I don't want to go in the other direction, either. I weighed more at 6 months than Caitrin does now. I've never been a "big" person (though I was at least a head taller than everyone in my class until about 8th grade. And then I froze...go figure.) but my mom told me she used to catch all kinds of hell from doctors when I was a baby because I was so big. We know a little boy who is two weeks younger than Caitrin, but already weighs 40 lbs and is far bigger than my girlfriend's 2 1/2 year old. That's not what I want for Caitrin, either.

I guess I was almost finally starting to think I didn't totally suck at this motherhood thing. I guess I was wrong. I have huge dreams for my daughter. I want her to be brilliant and to excel at everything she sets her mind to. How can she do that if she's LOSING weight instead of gaining it? If her body's not growing then that precious little brain is starving, too.

Against my better judgment, I went ahead and gave my okay for Caitrin to get her MMR vaccine on Monday. I understand the importance of vaccines and she's had all the ones on the schedule, but I've never been certain that there's not a connection between MMR and autism, and I have a cousin who is autistic. The entire staff at her pedi's disavows the connection, saying the the evidence people point to shows correlation, not causation. I've weighed and debated this since I knew I was pregnant, and the conclusion I came to, while perhaps not the most scholarly, is this: Sean had the MMR as a kid, and so did I, and my brother and sister and all the kids I went to school with, and none of us is autistic. Drug safety standards were not nearly as strict a quarter century ago as they are now, so I'm going to err on the side of caution and get Caitrin vaccinated, and pray that the Lord will protect her from any long-term adverse effects.

For somebody who got 5 shots, Caitrin was a real champ. She cried great big tears that broke my heart at first, but that lasted all of 30 seconds. She was fine the whole rest of the day, so I thought we were in the clear in terms of post-vaccination fever or grumpiness. We gave her a bath that night and I thought she might feel just a teensy bit warm, but you can never really tell anytime you've just had your hands in water. We put her to bed, and when I came up around 11 pm she started to fuss. I went in since she had just had shots, and when I picked her up she felt much hotter than she had a few days earlier when her temp was 102.7. I wasn't about to subject her to the indignity of taking her temperature in the middle of the night, so I just stripped her down, gave her Motrin, nursed her like crazy and sponged her off with a cold cloth. She was very fussy all night, but by morning the fever was gone.

At this point I'm rambling, and I haven't spent time with my husband all week, and there's a debate to watch and diapers to fold and Coricidin to take so I'd best be off.

Sick Little Chick

I didn't intend for it to be so long between posts. I've been preoccupied with finishing Caitrin's scrapbook before her birthday. I finally finished on Tuesday, so then I had some long-neglected household stuff to catch up on. So here I am.

My poor little chicky had her first fever yesterday. I heard her crying before 6 am, which is highly unusual for her. When I went to check on her, I saw she had thrown up during the night and when I picked her up, she was on fire. Sean and I had to learn on the fly how to take a rectal temp. The last time we took Caitrin's temperature, she was just a couple months old and the pacifier thermometer did the trick. Now she won't keep her mouth closed, and since necessity is the mother, we did what we had to do. Alarm bells went off in my head when I saw the reading...102.7.

Since we've been so fortunate as to have made it through her first year without a high fever, I was pretty freaked out and called her pediatrician. Took her in and he said she has a mild virus and should be right as rain by the weekend. I'm to keep her dressed comfortably, give a bland diet for a couple days, and make sure she has plenty of opportunities for quiet time. She's scheduled for her 12-month preventative visit next Monday, and by then she'll be well enough to have her flu shot so that hopefully this won't happen again.

Despite feeling like poo yesterday, my girl really was a trouper. She was still her smiley, happy self and spent the majority of the day playing on the cool living room floor. I let her nurse about 8974632 times since she's not supposed to eat her usual variety of foods. We took a long walk after lunch since it was cool out. She only got inconsolable right before bed. When we went in to get her this morning, we could tell right away that she was feeling much better. She only felt the slightest bit warm to me and played happily till naptime. Now, mind you, she's not napping (and it looks like I've gotta go get her soon) but she's happy up there, singing to herself.

I'm so grateful that it doesn't appear she's severely ill, but I can't help feeling like I failed her. She trusts me, and I let her down. I don't know exactly where I went wrong, but something I did, or neglected to do, caused her to get sick. Ever-present in the back of my mind is the fear of febrile seizures. Depends on whose opinion you subscribe to, but some experts say that babies are at an increased risk if a parent has a seizure disorder, and although Sean's epilepsy does not appear to be genetic, the spectre is still there.

And I'm feeling pretty terrified about the state of the US economy. The collapse of Lehman Brothers and the government bailout of AIG this week have the media whipped into a frenzy. I think that there's a degree to which these folks fail to recognize that God saw all this coming long before it happened and none of it is lost on Him. At the same time, I am absolutely petrified at the way we are on the fast track to socialism, "rolling down hill like a snowball headed for hell" (Merle Haggard, isn't it? Something I know my grandfather listens to). I don't even care so much about the impact of all this on me, but I do not want my children to grow up in Waterworld, you know?

Eh, well, I know some of these folks think we should be chewing our fingernails and freaking out every second, but at least for the moment life goes on. And my baby's first birthday is two days away! In fact, today is the first anniversary of my last day at Medallion, and of the day I went into labor. I've got birthday cake plans to work on and food coloring and fondant to buy. Wish my girl were napping, because I am completely exhausted and need a rest myself. But as long as her temperature is still normal, think we're gonna go to Michael's and engage in a little economic stimulus. More soon.

Indoctrinating the Exersaucer set?!

Let's begin things on a happy note with a pic of Caitrin stealing my sunglasses at Blackwater Falls. Over the past few days I've received the nicest notes and emails from all over telling me how much people appreciate our blog. I honestly had no idea whether anyone besides Sean was reading this, so knowing that there are people who not only read what I have to say but like it, is pretty flattering. Thanks guys!

Now I've gotta get some things off my chest. I apologize in advance if I offend or alienate anyone, as that is not my intention.

A few months ago I joined a children's book club so that I can build Caitrin's library without paying a fortune. As in the majority of the decisions I make, this one was made with a great deal of deliberation. I scoured their mailings for a few months to be sure that their offerings promoted early learning, Christian values, and moral fortitude before I signed up. I was thoroughly impressed in particular by the number of Christian books they offered. It's now been four or five months since I joined, and I had always felt confident in the club's selection. And then I got this month's mailing. Smack dab in the center of the circular, above the fold and in gaudy bold colors, is a 3/4 page flourish touting the book Barack Obama: Son of Promise, Child of Hope, intended for an audience 4-6 years in age. The cover of said atrocity features a portrait of the "Obamessiah" bathed in beams of light. A portrait that, Sean pointed out, is intended to evoke Catholic imagery of Jesus, the Pope, or the Blessed Mother.

I was incensed. Those of you who know me well can guess, I'm certain, at all the levels on which this offended me. Obama is a Marxist, socialist baby killer, for starters. And it's perfectly acceptable to slay Sarah Palin's character by spreading sickening and libelous rumors about the governor and her family, but say ANYTHING about Obama and you're a narrow-minded racist "hater." Mind you, the club made no show of offering anything that could remotely be construed as balancing the scales. No books about John McCain, war hero or Ronald Reagan and the fall of the Soviet empire. Nothing angers me more, however, than the suggestion that our littlest ones be indoctrinated in any political ideology. There is no place for liberalism or conservatism on the playgrounds of America. Young children (and I'll go so far as to include all children from birth through the early teen years) lack the ability to discern fact from opinion. In our household, Sean and I have very strong political views. I hope and believe that one day our children will choose those views for their own. But until Caitrin and her future siblings are old enough and mature enough to form their own opinions, you can be assured that we will NOT be reading to them about how any Presidential candidate is the Messiah. Our children will be reading the teachings of the true Messiah, Jesus Christ, instead. This concludes Rant Number One.

Quickly, as Caitrin is already awake from her morning nap, one more point. I've been feeling a great deal of pressure (much of which is self-imposed, but just as much comes from outside sources) to throw the ultimate first birthday party for Caitrin. She only turns one once, after all. One of the many things Mom and Dad did SO right when we were growing up was to keep birthday celebrations to just our immediate family, grandparents, and an aunt or uncle or two. Mom would always bake our favorite cake and make us anything we wanted for dinner. We would decorate with balloons and streamers, and the whole dining room table would be piled high with presents (even in the leanest times - thanks, Mom and Dad!). After dinner, the grandparents, aunts and uncles would come and we'd have cake and ice cream and open presents. These celebrations were always so special. This is a tradition Sean and I want to continue in our family. So I'll be baking a ladybug cake for Caitrin. I've bought plates and napkins and streamers in ladybug-inspired colors. I'll probably make her pancakes for dinner, and then the relatives who are close by will come for cake and ice cream and we'll watch Caitrin rip into her presents. We'll take loads of pictures, and she'll be able to stick to her nap schedule so that she'll be rested enough to enjoy her special day. Probably only perfect according to our standards, but aren't those the only ones that matter?

Praise for Palin, and My Girl Can EAT!

My, my, what a busy week we've had! I had every intention of writing on Monday after we got back from Canaan, and that clearly didn't happen, now, did it? It sounds lame, but I'm thoroughly exhausted from vacation.

Suffice it to say that Caitrin's first trip to Canaan Valley was a big hit. She loved the house we stayed in (as we all did). It had an even more open floor plan downstairs than ours does. And they had Mega Bloks. Just a few, but she fell in love. Guess what she'll be getting for her birthday! The photo at left is Our Girl, clutching her Security Block and bearing a frightening resemblance to Nosferatu. Which makes Sean's hilarious Freudian slip last night - in which he ended up referring to her as "Saitrin" - all the more a propos.

One of the things Sean and I were most excited to do was take Caitrin to Sirianni's, of course. She ended up out-eating both of us! We kept saying we didn't know where she was putting it, and then we found out! She had three or four of the nastiest diapers EVER afterward, inspiring us to coin the term "softball of death." I'll stop there, as some things are better left to the imagination. Other highlights of the trip included a trip to Blackwater Falls and several games of "Blink" between Caitrin and the fawns, who were still wearing their spots. Fun times!

I wasn't at all planning on watching the Republican Convention. Okay, so maybe I had decided to DVR it, but only for the purpose of it being counted in the ratings. Being somewhere to the right of Alan Keyes in ideology, I truly felt unrepresented in this Presidential race, even after John McCain's impressive performance at the Saddleback event. And then Sarah Palin happened. Oh. My. Goodness. I don't even know where to begin my lovefest for Alaska's leading lady. That's as good a place as any. She's a lady, in every sense of the word. She is the Proverbs 31 woman I so badly want to be. And ever since I heard about her affinity for big game hunting, I've pictured her doing what I've seen my Nanny do on several occasions. It involves high snowbanks and a long nightgown and Bean boots...oh, and a moose getting well acquainted with the business end of a .22.

Aaaggghhhh, and just when I think I'll have time to engage in higher-order thinking for .02 seconds, it appears Caitrin's awake from her nap, and Cassy is using the occasion to scream at me through the basement door for her dinner. I've gotta finish my previous thought, though, so in summary, conservative Christian women have a new superhero. Sarah Palin rocks!

11 Months: New Pics, New Tricks, New Teeth!

My, what a difference a week makes! Somehow my little girl has gone from baby to toddler almost overnight! It began with a serious nap boycott at the end of last week. I was at my wits' end trying to figure out what was going on, and suddenly, there was my answer: 4 (count 'em) new teeth! She had declared nap amnesty when she got her first two, so I should've figured it out sooner this time around. Like Nanny says, "my forethoughts come after."

Nursing is fun with the new teeth. They have rubbed me raw and I find I'm gritting my own teeth at every feeding. She's not trying to bite me or changing her latch or anything. It's just that there are teeth where for so long there were none. Nasty, pointy teeth! But bless her, Caitrin is being an angel, all things considered. Mouth pain stinks and I know I wouldn't be anywhere near as sweet as she is if it were happening to me.

I got a big, sweet surprise on Monday. Caitrin was eating her beloved Gerber peach puffs and I was sitting with her at the table, when she picked one up and fed it to me! I made a HUGE deal about what a good girl she was to share with Mama, and then she did it another half dozen times! Now she's progressed to sharing tortilla pieces, chex, cheerios, cheese...everything but her Little Crunchies. She actually seems to prefer feeding me now. I don't think I've ever seen her grin so wide!

And the new thing I'm proudest of, and most exhausted by, is that as of a week ago Caitrin is cruising BIGTIME (see photo). In fact, on Tuesday she was holding onto the end table, forgot what she was doing and let go, and she actually stood all on her own for 2-3 seconds! All this from my munchkin who wasn't even crawling like a "normal kid" two weeks ago! At this rate, we figure she'll be walking by the time we go to Canaan next Thursday.

Which is gonna be a fulltime job to get ready for. I have a whole new level of respect for my parents, who drove 8-10 hours with three of us and ALLLLLLL our stuff to see my Nanny and Papa twice a year. We just have one, and we're only making a 4-hour drive, and somehow it already looks as if there'll be no room for anything but her stuff. Yet Mom and Dad always did it, and we never had anything bigger than a small station wagon. Wow, I am in awe.

Well, I've got dipes to finish washing, and Caitrin's afternoon nap appears not to be happening. Gosh, I am worn out. Must go. God bless all!

Little Girl, Big Day

Every now and then, I forget that my life, what I'm doing by staying at home to raise Caitrin, is a choice. A little voice in my ear has really been getting me down, telling me I'm not as important as mothers who have children AND work outside the home and definitely not as important as mothers who are also actresses or celebrities of some other type. This voice wants me to think that if I dropped off the earth today, no one would even notice, let alone remember me. I've been plagued by these feelings of worthlessness for a few weeks now, and it's kept getting progressively worse.

Then yesterday, when the weight was getting so heavy I could barely breathe, Caitrin had a day that reminded me that I'm EXACTLY where I need to be. First, she has two new teeth coming! It's funny, she got her first two relatively early, at 6 1/2 and 7 1/2 months, but then no more in all this time! On Monday I noticed the top front right one had broken through, and then yesterday while we were playing "airplane" I saw the top front left!

Second, Caitrin's been doing the "wounded soldier" crawl since she was 7 months old, but had never done "normal" knee-hand crawling. I wasn't worried because the "wounded soldier" is actually recognized by pediatricians as one of several acceptable forms of crawling. Then last evening, I was getting ready to put Caitrin in the bath and instead of trench-crawling behind me into the bathroom, she got up on her hands and knees and went all the way from the floor by her crib and into the bathroom as far as the tub! Afterward I showed her now to stand up in her crib by holding onto the front rail. I kept my hands on top of hers to catch if needed, but she did all the work.

So I was bouncing off the walls when Sean came home, telling him about all of Caitrin's antics, and she decided to show off for Daddy! She crawled for real all through the kitchen and living room, and when we were sitting in the living room playing with her, she suddenly grabbed the end table and stood up by holding onto it all by herself for over a minute! If I had been doing any of the things the world considers "important," I'd have missed it all. I'm so happy I made this choice.

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Think I'll just take 'em myself from now on

Hello all. Hope this finds you well. It has been a long week in Heelenville. I guess it's just her age, but Caitrin's suddenly FAR less even-tempered than she's been heretofore. She's still mostly a sweet girl all day with me, and she talks about "Dada" nonstop! But for the past couple weeks she freaks out as soon as he gets home in the evening. She adores him...in typical fashion I'm the enforcer in her life and Sean's the fun one. So we are thoroughly perplexed by this. She cries and screams and assumes full tantrum posture. I sort of wonder if she maybe doesn't realize how much she misses Daddy all day, and then when she sees him at night it catches up with her and it's overwhelming. Just my theory. It's better on the weekends, sometimes, sorta. Not tonight. This, too, shall pass...right?!

Caitrin's at such a precious stage right now, what with her "wounded soldier" crawl, endless chanting of "Dada" and her new favorite word "naynay," and her utter fascination with toys. It was this that led us to decide our family needed to make a return visit to Sears portrait studio. Type A that I am, I spent hours on their website planning backgrounds and props, and then I went shopping and bought us all coordinating outfits. I was expecting this major family bonding experience where Caitrin would just charm the pants off everyone like she always does and we'd get some great photos of the three of us interacting. As with so darn many things, that was not to be. The studio was overbooked and we had to wait even though I'd set up our appointment several weeks ago. There were two very young ladies posing as photographers. Very sweet but not very experienced or ready to deal with a baby. Which was odd because the entire clientele seemed to be parents and little babies. I'm sure it doesn't help that Caitrin didn't nap terribly well this morning and was uncharacteristically cranky. And it seems that stranger anxiety is really hitting full force right now. Well, at first the photographer sat us all down to do group shots, and she kept poking at Caitrin with what she called a "tickle stick" (an industrial feather duster) to try to get her to laugh. No surprise to me, that didn't cut it. We sure don't do anything approaching that to get her cracking up, but then, she just randomly gets the giggles with us.

I guess the first girl felt like she was the problem, so she excused herself for a moment and said she'd be right back. Five minutes later, in walks the other girl, who seemed more comfortable with babies and reshot everything the first girl had done. Caitrin never really cracked one of her megawatt smiles, though, and got pretty spooked if Sean and I moved more than a couple feet away. Still, we did get some very cute shots that capture who she is at this point in her life. But I was really disappointed...they just used a plain white background and didn't offer us the option of any others or of using props. Worth it insofar as I'm unable to get shots of all three of us since I don't have a tripod, but since I know my girl and the expressions that best capture her character, I'll probably mostly do photos at home now. So Bug, if you're reading this, a higher-res camera might be a birthday idea.

Nana (Anne) babysat last night so we could see XF2 again. Want to be sure I do my part to encourage a third installment. Have had the closing-credits theme cranially tattooed ever since, and not complaining. Tomorrow is the third installment, incidentally, of our Hunt for the Heelen Fridge. Soooo interesting, I know. Should be in bed now, but Ephemeral beckons and I'm craving a brief mental flatline. Till soon. God bless.

Wow, it makes ice?! Great, but is it babyproof?

One of myriad experiences that no one warned us about with regard to new parenting was babyproofing. I'll admit I thought it was a gate or two in a doorway and some of those little plastic outlet thingies. Ten months and countless trips to Babies R Us later, I've learned that it's garbage can locks and cabinet locks and oven locks and TOILET locks(!), in addition to the $60 gate, the $75 gate, and the $110 gate, all of which you have to jury-rig because nobody's doorways are actually square or the size the gates fit.

But the one that floors me, that I never saw coming, and that, God willing, will be the biggest financial outlay in babyproofing history, is the new refrigerator. Oh, there's nothing wrong with the one we have. Nothing except it was sold by the now-defunct Montgomery Ward, ergo no replacement parts exist, and the geniuses we bought the house from broke the grill at the bottom. As a result we've always had a rainbow of wires adorning the otherwise dead space between the floor and freezer door. An eyesore, sure, and one heck of a catch-all for cat hair, but that was the extent of it. And then, at 7 months, Caitrin became mobile and apparently began her apprenticeship as the Maytag repair girl. Mind you there are toys three feet deep as far as the eye can see all over our house, but my little Inspector Gadget wants those fridge wires. I thought I was brilliant when I covered them with electrical tape, but apparently in Babyland this makes them look even more like a teething toy.

So we weighed our options and quickly realized we had but one: replace the fridge or might as well head for the emergency room now. Oh well, an expensive venture but pretty simple. Unless the previous homeowners, when faced with having to replace what I'm sure was the original fridge with the current one, CUT INTO THE WALL instead of ordering one that fit the hole that was there. Oh, yeah, it's a bloody mess and it results in us having a maximum of 67.5" in which to fit a new one. One major problem: all the fridge manufacturers got together after Harry the Handyman turned the wall into Swiss cheese, and decided never again to make a model fit the carefully planned cuts he made. We're going to lose at least 2 cubic feet and have a gap between where the countertop ends and the fridge begins, because we've gotta shove the newbie into the "custom" notch in the adjacent wall.

We thought we had bitten the bullet and put this mess behind us on Sunday. After church we headed to Sears with the measurements we'd taken and made a choice between the 2 models that would've fit. Installation was supposed to be Monday. And then we got home and Sean measured again, and realized that it wouldn't fit after all...too tall. So we're back to square one, with very few options. But hey, what would life be if not convoluted?

I gotta run, Caitrin's napping and I've got shelves to put up. This also falls under the umbrella of babyproofing, did you know that?

El Bodeguero

Hi all! I had no idea what to call this post, and the first thing that popped into my head was the title of Caitrin's favorite song (from Songs for Cabriolets and Otros Tipos de Vehiculos by Karl Zero, for those that were wondering). At right is my new favorite photo of Little Miss, taken last Saturday. She is so precious!

Let's see, our latest is as follows: Monday marked a month that we've been cloth-diapering, and it's great! I'd heard this from those who encouraged me to do it, but didn't believe it myself till we tried it: we HATE disposables now! They actually seem more of a hassle than cloth does. I still want to trade my diaper pail for a step-on plastic trash can that is easier to maneuver dirty dipes into, but I'm not paying $15 for it. But no rant about the cost of things, I'll just leave it at that.

Our Internet is spotty lately; we think it's some kind of problem with our wireless network. We're having a phone jack installed in the office so we can just plug the modem directly into the computer, but the soonest Verizon could do it's not till August 19th. So we never know when we can get on here and it's QUITE exasperating. But there is a silver lining...I'm actually taking the time to learn Photoshop Elements now, since I can't usually get online. Can't do any sophisticated graphic work yet but getting fairly proficient with its photo editing capabilities. That's all I really wanted it for anyways, the other stuff will just be icing on the cake!

Our little family unit is getting our own place when the Heelens descend upon Canaan Valley later this month! I'm so excited! It'll be crazy to be down there with Caitrin...but in a good way of course. Can't wait to share with her something that's become such a part of who we are, and to take her to Sirianni's, of course! Cannot wait to repair to the mountains. I SO need the break.

Wow, it is nearly time for Sean to get home and Caitrin's just woken up from her afternoon nap, so must close here. All the best to everyone!

Believe the Hype: See the Movie

A while back I was doing some shameless plugging for the then-forthcoming film The X-Files: I Want to Believe and promised to plug more later. I can now do so from the vantage point of having seen the movie, it having been released on Friday. So, you may wonder, was it really worth all the secrecy, the Carter-versus-studio battle, the wait? In a word, YES!

My favorite site for all things X, X-Files News, features a full review of the movie with which I concur, but I'll add just a few personal thoughts. The first of these is a prayer: oh, please God, may 39 look a fraction as good on me as it does on Gillian Anderson. Moving right along, the story can definitely stand on its own apart from the TV series and the 1998 film. It is not Chris Carter and company's strongest "monster of the week" story by any stretch, but it is sound. Carter FINALLY indulges those of us who call ourselves "'shippers," though after waiting 6 years I think he still owes us more than we were given in that arena. Mulder and Scully may no longer be G-people, but their fragrant blend of sarcastic, witty banter and brutal honesty is as strong as it was in the series' heyday.

Who should see this movie? If you ever watched the series, even casually, or saw the first film and loved it, you need to see this movie! If you love an old-fashioned thriller that does not need gore or gratuitous CGI to carry the story, see this movie. If you want to reminisce about the olden days of shadowy figures in dark suits and "little green men," see this movie. If you breathe oxygen and require water in order to live, you need to see this movie. 'Nuff said? Good, 'cause it is eons past my bedtime. More to come very soon. God bless.

Happy 10 Months, Caitrin!

It doesn't seem possible, but it's been 10 months today since our amazing little girl came into our lives! For the first several months I had these onesies that said her age on them, but we don't have a 10-month one, so instead I've included a picture from lunchtime today. She was feeding herself a cereal bar and was absolutely covered in it!

I was trying to remember what I was doing exactly ten months ago at this moment, but I have no idea! They gave me Stadol during labor, and there are large chunks of time that day that I can't account for. I think we were probably all snuggling in my bed and Sean and I were going over the day's events. What an amazing day it was.

Caitrin and I had a wonderful day today. I tried to give her more playtime, and she really enjoyed it. She has a new favorite word..."naynay." This is said, squealed, whined or shouted in various intonations and volume levels depending on her mood. I've pretty much discontinued changing her on the changing table. She flips around way too easily now. Luckily we put those foam number tiles on her floor months ago, so they make the perfect soft place to change her, and if she rolls it's no big deal.

The highlight of our day was a trip after lunch to the park at BWI Airport where the planes go right overhead just before they land. Having grown up in the country, I didn't have much exposure to big planes and they still fascinate me just like a kid! I took Caitrin because I've watched her notice the planes when they fly over our house and she's always been interested, never scared. Imagine my delight when she and I turned out to be two peas in a pod at the park! It was hot as Hades, but we didn't care. We must have watched the planes for half an hour. She would giggle and say, "whoa!" when they got close. We will definitely be going back. I can see us spending whole days there in the fall when it's cooler. I can't wait to take her on the playground and have a picnic.

I want to write more, but I've got a mad headache again (wonder what's up with that? Must be the heat). I'll be back with another update soon!